its been forever!!

wow! its been a while since i been on here! but now im back finally. so alot has happened since i last wrote. I have moved , im living back in north port now and im pretty happy being back here! the last 4 months i have really been focused on ME , my girls and GOD! and it really has helped me a lot!

Alot in my life has changed since we came back at the end of march are for the better!!! I’m happier than I have been in a long time! I’m at peace with jake being away simply because… Well I let him go not in my heart but my mind. I finally have him away to god and am letting his work be finished while god also works in my life!
I won’t say I have not thought of jake I DO daily but I no longer dwell on him or get depressed that I can’t see him.
I finally understand and live the phrase IT IS WHAT IT IS! I know I can’t change ANYTHING and everything is going how god planned it to be!
What makes it the easiest is knowing how much jake has changed and how he loves The Lord now and THAT has ultimately changed my view and my heart.
ENOUGH about him haha. On another note the girls are getting huge! My baby girl Andrea is no baby anymore she will be FOUR! On August 19th she will be 4 years old and she knows it she won’t stop talking about her “happy birthday” she is so silly.
Amelia! She is no baby either she is huge and walking all over the place like she has been walking for years now! She is the funniest little thing ever she keeps me smiling even when I’m angry she cracks me up. She is just SO big it cracks me up! Ha, my girls defiantly keep me moving! Well I have some pictures from the past few months 🙂 enjoy

Jake at national day of prayer

Jake gets a visit!

don’t mind me I just had surgery that day!!!

he is risen!

easter has to be my fav holiday of the year.

why? i get that alot why not christmas, why not thanksgiving? those days are nice but there almost pointless these days. everyone has seemed to forget the true meaning of those holidays and the same goes for easter. my answer is, he is risen! this day is such an emotionally joyful day for me! that my god gave his son up for a sinner like ME! that jesus took those nails for me, mocked and scorned he still gave his life for me.

dont get me wrong i also enjoy the family and the food and egg hunts but the real meaning is so much greater to me. with that all said!

today started early at 7:55am and thank god i set my alarm earlier this morning because miss amelia was miss pee body this morining i had to get her up and into the bath at 8am ahh stinky butt! seriously? how many times do babys pee in there sleep? ha

after i was ready both my girls and parents we waited….for my uncle. for some reason he was not ready he sat and watched us all run around and get into the cars and he is still in the house walking around lost. dont ask me what was going on!! i have no idea. well church service was great! the music was amazing as always and the anointing of the holy spirit was overwhelming. i love my encounters with the holy spirt and how peaceful it leaves me. it was great! about 1pm we got home and it was time to eat! we were all ready for dinner or whatever you want to call it. my mom as always did all the cooking and it was amazing! i was so stuffed i really felt liike crap about an hour later! just blahhh i cant move kinda feeling!

we all winded down and relaxed and talked and all of a sudden my brother shows up! none of us knew!!

andrea was super excited to see him she loves him to death! they are so sweet together, my brother dose not show his emotions that often but he dose when hes with her.

we moved to easter basket time and this was like the worst part of the day if you ask me because andrea was throwing a fit and i said she was not getting her basket if she didnt stop and that made it even worse! things got better though! thankfully. amelia well she had no clue what was even going on like really no idea! she was happy though!!

well after all of this mess and basket opening we cleaned up and my brother preoccupied andrea so i could run to hide all the eggs in the backyard! i was more excited than she was i think!

well all of these pictures about sum up my day.

my uncle left and so did my brother the house is back to normal and the girls are both sleeping as i listen to hillsong i will close on this note and get some bible time in before i pass out here!

god bless.

wow

okay so wordpress has me a mess ha!

not kidding so many issues with this all.so to catch everyone up on the past several days i have been running around getting ready for easter. last week i had both the girls baskets done and ready to go! so that was done and over with early yayy!! i tend to always wait last min till there is nothing on the shels and im like ahhh! but this holiday i didnt do that thank god! so anyways. with easter and us in the middle of a move things have been just chaotic and stressful. andrea was gone last weekend which gave me alot of down time and it made me think of everything! i thought about jakebeing gone, jake missing amelias birth,andrea being in a situation she is confused with, amelia turning a year old in 13 days! its just all hitting me at once! but today im okay . yesterday me and andrea had a good time coloring eggs and decorating them! today we spent time at the riverwalk and it was so nice out i actually got some sun today!! much needed! im like so pale i cant wait to move back and have my tanning salon im a vip there haha so i get discounts lol.

well im really excited to see how andrea reacts tommorow with all the eggs and her basket and amelia even tho she was noo clue!! im excited

im ready for this holiday to come and pass! so over holidays this year ahhh!

on a better note my uncle is visiting and andrea has fallen in love with him but i think she is bugging him some she wants him to play all day haha!

today we went to the riverwalk and park and they had whats called art in the park. manatee county is really big on art! i caught some pictures of them and they will follow. the splash pad was on and the girls both just loved the water as always. andrea fell off the jungle gym i thought for sure she broke her neck she got up and ran away like nothing!!

well here ill close with some pictures from the past several days!

amelia loves that lamb i dont even know where he came from!!?

amelia is getting so big

art in the park today

haha okay,,,

so liking the water

and she is on the go!

🙂

My mommy cardio

okay! so after i had andrea i was very motivated to get back in shape really fast! and i did! i was doing every class possible at the gym i did body combat, body pump, cycling, belly dancing and had two personal trainers i became addicted but i guess it was a healthy addiction! i took andrea with me during my room classes she would stay in child care but she would go to cycling with me and watch up at me cycling and going up and down listening to the loud music she was so good! so in about 5 months i had the body back i wanted actually i was more toned and fit than before because before her i never worked out i had no reason to!

long behold!! just 2 years ahead not even!! im pregnant with amelia ahhh all my hard work was gone! but i was happy me and jake were gonna have a baby!! we made a baby that was actually planned so we were both just so happy.

anyway after the 9 months and here i am almost a year later i have not seen the inside of a gym! my body right now is ehh not where i want it but im not fat nor am i skinny im jut in between i guess?  im in a size 5-7 jean and a medium shirt. i am nowhere close to what i was after andrea! so where im getting at is lately i have learned a new way to get a little cardio into my day with two kids okay where should i start. i think this may help some other mommys as well even though sometimes we feel so drained you can still find that energy to get some cardio in!

1.playing chase with my 3yr old for 30 mins she is super fast sometimes i cant catch her!

2.dancing!! both andrea and amelia like to dance of course amelia just bounces but andrea really dances we will dance for about an hour sometime and i use 5lb weights just to make my dancing into a little workout while in the mean time the girls are having fun!

3.walking, almost every night i walk with andrea or during amelias nap time she naps for 2 hours so it gives us plenty of time to walk the block about 4 times of course stopping to pick up rocks and other intresting things andrea thinks is just cool! so i get about a mile walk in accoring to my counter on my phone.

4. wii!! yes my wii i have about 4 workout disc i have golds gym dancing, just dance, jillian buns and thighs, and the basic workout game that comes with the wii!! this is very fun for me and also andrea this takes place when amelia is sleeping already. if you think dancing is not a workout it is, have you see shikiras abs and arms?? hello people,contract that belly in as u dnace and use light weights too!!

okay so that is my mommy cardio pretty much, there are other things i do alone when i have time (almost never) i bought a cycling bike and have a rpm video to go by so its like being in my class! trust me i feel you all i know when the kids are in bed you feel like plopping on the couch and just relaxing, but i have learned that if you get a good cardio in and get your pumping it actually benifits your health of course and boosts your energy level!

a first this may seem hard and dumb but you can make it fun and fun for the kids as well!i love it all now, i wish i could attend classes and have a personal trainer to push me to my limit and make me feel the pain! but i dont have those options anymore with two kids and no father around right now i just do what i can right now!

and i deff have my reasons on why i want to stay fit as a mommy first i want to be healthy, i want to feel good about myself, i want to encourage my girls to be active and not couch potatos!! and lastly so my husband can have a sexy wife haha!!

its not that hard at all get it started and i promise you will feel so much better after you get past the first few weeks!

i hope this helped at least one mommy!!

enjoy!!

twilight

so today has been so beautiful! i have the windows open and the breeze is flowing it actally knocked something over in the bathroom haha.so amelia has been alot better today with the screaming thing shes been really calm maybe its the fresh air coming in. im not to sure but wow!! so andrea comes home today i cant wait, it makes me soo sick though that she is calling dylan daddy now after 3 years of him not having a thing to do with her she is saying daddy? its okay though because when she is here all she asks for is daddy jake. she knows who has been there since she was a baby. she is smart.so anyways im trying to not let this bug me to much i have cleaned the house so its all nice when my mom is home from the weekend she was away and now im finally relaxing and watching twilight i can never get enough i could watch them all day everyday haha. i feel like a nerd now. i remember when it first came out and i was like noo way im not watching that till about 3 years after someone made me and i was like what!??!?! i love it! haha so now here i am i bought the whole series and i keep them tucked away safe like they are something “very important” lol

so on another note im waiting for andreas little voice to come through the door i miss her so much and i know she missed me , poor thing is so confused as to what is even goin on me, dylan, jake like what??? poor girl well thats about it for the day im gonna finish my movies and play with my babies!!

emotinal

ok so today has been so weird.

andrea is gone she is away for the weekend so i have had alot of down time with just amelia and have had alot of time to sit and think of everything.

everything is hitting me today like thinking of jake not being there for amelias birth, andreas situation and amelia turning one soon and her daddy dose not even know her let alone she has no idea he even exists and that crushes my heart to pieces. not to mention i have come to realize amelia is extremly spoiled! i cant walk by or do anything without her screaming and crying so badly she gags and sometimes throws up! i cant hold her all day.as you mommys know there is still work in the house to be done and i cant do that with her at my hip. im frustrated as to what to do. i never had this problem with andrea she would sit and be so content with all her toys and things to play with. amelia just wants to be held she has no intrest in toys haha. so aside from that to calm her down some i went for a walk with her at about 6pm the weather was so nice it was brezzy and about 65 degrees just perfect and she was silent the whole time! so content not one noise as we walked till we returned home of course! the screaming started and i was ready to pull my hair out.

okay so finally here i am at the end of my day she also scremed herself to sleep for like an hour i soothed her and left and she still screamed but now she is sound asleep and i am so ready to finish cleaning the kitchen and do the laundry and watch a movie by myself have you. ha its getting really old watching movies alone than going to bed alone and waking up in an empty bed. i miss jake and wish he was home its been over a year now and i have not seen him. im so broken inside i need my husband.

ill end here goodnight

yayy!!

so as you can see i was gone for a while due to wordpress issues again! but they are all fixed now and i am happy! pheww so to briefly catch everyone up on things alot has been happening in my life transistions, moving, lost friends and other things i battle on a daily basis. so my husband march 15th finally made it to his one year mark of being in loving hands ministries i didnt think i would make it this far let alone him!!  he is much stronger than i though, i give him soo much credit for being in such a strict program and holding on, he now has 8 months left and i am praying they pass soon!! this has been very hard on me.

well there he is this photo is from september when the girls got to visit him

they have not seen him since this is very hard on andrea

look at that smile on his face!! well anyway so of subject, well where should i start. i quit working because we are moving back to north port in about 11 days ahh im scared but happy because i will have friends again!! i am soo lost and alone out here it really sucks . i have tried so hard to make friends but it dose not last long idk why but maybe its because they dont have kids and i do?? well anyways

about the girls! andrea has been seeing her biological dad every other weekend and she is so confused poor girl i know its so hard on her she loves jake and asks for him daily!! she never asks for dylan ha , anyways its been very hard letting her go there after him having nothing to do with her for almost 4 years now and all the past issues we had with him and his mom ahhh. on another note i dont have to share amelia! she is all mine and jakes but poor kid, her grandfather has nothing to do with her, her grandmother has nothing to do with her they never ask about her . jakes family is just i dont know so twisted i dont get them. i feel bad that amelia will grow up with family who has no intrest in her what so ever but i guess all i can do is show her all my love along with jake, this is hard though because andrea is so spoiled by her other granparents and other family and poor amelia will have to sit back and watch her sister get all this love and attention it breaks my heart it really dose!! ok so some positive stuff, andrea has been learning alot like so over night so random!! she is so smart, i meet girls/ boys her age and older and they seem like 2 yrs behind haha she speaks like she is 5 its insane and she knows how to color in the lines,draw people, paint, and count and say her a,b,c .amelia she is so cute she is trying so hard to walk she pulls herself along side things but when i try to help her she just goes limp ha she is so lazy she wants to be held 24/7 i am trying so hard to break her habbit of wanting to be held all day the min i pass her she screams n screams till i pick her up than she smiles, little stinker she is!! well some pictures for you!

Dough

Play dough

today is wacky!! It’s a nice day out but were stuck inside n sick ! So me and the girl are playing with play dough . I hate this smell ehh! But Andrea loves it she is happy so this makes me happy as well,  Amelia on the other hand is teething and puts anything in her mouth so I had to pry a piece out of her mouth and she was not happy.

This got old after about 30 mins so we watched about 40 mins of tinker bell and that got boring although I was enjoying it Andrea wanted something new again so now I have her putting my change into my changer counter haha she has been busy doing this for a while now so now I can sit back and relax and try not to worry about all these stressful issues I have going on in my life. Watching Andrea count my change and Amelias pulling on my pants to hold her is so sweet to me. I love these little girls so much! They make my days worth while!

so i finally have my down time yes its 11:37pm and this is me havingdown time from the day it seemed to drag on! i have been messing with wodpress all day because my iphone has no storage i had to delete the friendly app and am trying to use the web version on my phone! it wont let me upload pictures so tha bothers me haha.goodnight

What my day looks and feels like

Yesterday??

well today is defiantly nothing like yesterday. I woke up at 8am to rush to the doctors and it was cold and rainy outside just gross. The roads were slick and the clouds were low. I guess me and the girls will spend the day inside. I can almost bet today will be the day Andrea begs to play outside unlike yesterday! Anyways so my day so far has been horrible I had alot of blood work done I was starving as I waited because I had to fast and the blood they took made me dizzy! After that was all said and done with I had a few things I had to drop off at a “friends” house he had left over.
He didnt pick up so I let myself in because well I am welcome there he wasn’t on his bed so I went to the spare room to walk in on something I never thought I’d have to see in my life. I was upset…..
I know I a shouldn’t be but I have my personal reasons as to why I was that I will keep to myself.
So that happen yes I walked in on him and a girl. Ekkkk gross.
So I left there fastly and spun out of the drive way like a mad woman the neighbors were prob thinking goodness she has issues. Which I do, heck who doesn’t? Well anyways it’s almost 11am here in Florida and my girls are still sleeping!! I do n not like this time change I think they should just leave the time alone and let it be! I think I will wake them. It messed Amelia’s nap time up yesterday it was crazy. She probably hears the wind blowing through the windows as I do it’s almost relaxing like the beach almost but more dreary. Updates later . 🙂